So... About Sunday...

Sunday is Mother's Day. I could have easily forgot (and hurt the feelings of my loving grandmother and aunt) if it wasn't for taking a trip with one of my good friends to get her mother a gift for the day. I love my aunt and my grandmother and I'm forever greatful that they would even care enough to attempt to do the impossible: filling the void left by my mother. It's not that I'm not appreciative. I know that me forgetting the hallmark holiday would give the perception that I'm ungreatful.

The thing is losing a mother is something that one can't put in perspective unless is happens to them, and even then you can't really wrap your mind around it. The best way I can describe it is by saying after your mother dies life becomes a hollow repersentation of itself. Events that are supposed to be so fulfilling and important lose a little bit of it's luster. My mother passed when I was 12 and I am forever greatful to her for my life. She is like a personal example of Jesus. She sacrificed her life just to give me a chance. Had she not had me her life wouldn't had been so hard and she wouldn't have been so sick. She wouldn't have been in so much pain and she would have probably fulfilled her great potential. She was special but she had to drop the torch because it became to heavy. Don't worry mommy. I picked that torch up and with your strength I'm gonna reach our goals.

It's been 9 years and this day hasn't gotten any easier for me. This month is still one of my most hated and emotional ones of the year. I know I'm not the only who struggles with this because I'm not the only motherless child out in the world, let alone my family. However, I'm the only one who knows how I feel. I feel so much that I can't even really sift thru my mind's dictionary to find the words. Mother's day will never mean what it meant for me when I was able to happily give my mother the cards I made in school, participate in breakfast, and give the gifts that my grandmother and father helped me purchase. A day when these simple gestures made her feel like she could fly. A day when she was freed from the body that held her and her spirit captive. On this day, like many others I will think of you. I will remember who you were and think of what you woul've been. I will shed silent tears and brave the world strong just like you did. I love you mommy.