Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Has Beens, The Wanna Bes, and the In Crowd

I recently spent a little time by myself and reflected on my life and what I want to make of it. Living life has rudely awaken me from my pleasant little dream world that I created. I used to believe that good people always got their way because the world appreciated them and everything they offered. I used to daydream about all types great futures. If my dreams came to fruition by this time in my life I would be staying in a penthouse suite on the beach with a fly ass beamer. I would be engaged by now to a picture perfect man who was gainfully employed and only had eyes for me. Thoughts like this are has beens. I don't even dream these kinds of dreams. I've let them go. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect life. I'm grown enough to know that even though life isn't fair or perfect I can still be perfectly happy.

I now have realistic goals for where I want to be in life and a plan to get there. I want to make a decent living and I want to be happy. These days I desire intangible things. I truly just want to be happy and true happiness can't be achieved through material things. I just want to find a career that I can enjoy and live comfortably with. I want to have a healthy family one day. I really don't think I'm asking for much. I just want my fork full of this American pie. This is where I wanna be.

I'm apart of this crowd. A crowd of people just trying to find their way in the world. It's a fine line between working toward your future and forgetting to live out your present. I'm caught up between living everyday like its my last while planning for my future. I really don't know which one to focus more on. After all I very well could die tomorrow (Lord forbid) and all I will have done is tried to do good while not making all of the impacts I could have made because I was worried about a future I will never get. Our I could live everyday like its my last and end up dying at 100, either way I will have nothing to show for it. I just have to find a way to get what I want. I may never figure out but I will keep living. I'm sure something great will come of it.