What Happened

It never was what it should have been
If I could choose again, I would go with sin
But shit happens for a reason
You gave up forever to only become a season

Sadly I'm not sure what to believe in
Questions are irrelevant, I'll never understand
It is what it is. I just wonder what happened...

How often do you get what you want?

I was on facebook one day talking to one of my coworkers. Every so often we go back in forth in my comment section and I'm always amazed by him. He is so much deeper than I ever would peg him to be. I mentioned how I'm not much of a competitor. I said, "I always manage to get what I need." He questioned, "It's cool to get what you need, but how often do you get what you want?" As I stared at the question on my screen I seriously thought about it. When it comes to goals where all I have to do is "A, B, and C" I'm going to get it done. When it's just me standing in between myself and the goal I'm never going to hold myself back. If it's a job I'm going to get it. If it's a grade I'm going to get it. Even then I don't strive to do it better than everybody else doing it, I just strive to get it done. When it comes to matters of other people I will often take the L. If I want something and someone else wants the same thing I will just let them have it. I don't know if it's a feeling of inferiority because I never feel less than the next person. I just know that I can do without. No matter what I'm going to be ok. I always want to see everyone succeed. In order to make this happen sometimes I sacrifice what I want. It's not always good because 8 out of 10 people operate with their own interest at heart. I don't want to compromise who I am as a person but if I want to get what I want and not just what I need a change may be necessary. Is it worth it though?

Doors Unlock From the Inside

Let me start this off by saying at the moment I'm ok with being single. Of course everyone covets what they don't have. I want a relationship. Not like the ones I see my peers in. I want something a little bit more pure. Something that takes time to build. A lot of people don't desire what I'm looking after and I'm not into trying force myself on anyone. So while I'm open to meeting people and letting them bring to my what they will, I'm not in a rush to give all of my greatness.

With that said I'm changing. I used to be a selfish person. I used to want everyone to reveal themselves to me while I gave very little of myself. I wanted to be catered to. The problem is that some men don't care to get to know you. They want to get it in and/or get lost. I don't have a problem with this. Do what you want get it how you live. I'd rather guys make their intentions known. I can make my decisions. If we aren't on the same page there is no need to waste anybody's time. (If you go back to early post you can read how much of a nuisance wasting my time is). I'm grown enough to know that sex isn't going to make a dude like or not like you. If I want to have sex with a man I'm going to do that as long as all of my screening goes through properly. I'm not going to have sex in hopes that a relationship will come from it. I'm not going to not have sex in hopes that a relationship will come from it. Those rules are just silly to me.

Now I just take every situation with the opposite sex for what it is. People always make their intentions true. I've just learned to take the ingredients that people give me and see what they gave me. If you give me lemons I'm not going to call it lemonade. I used to keep my doors locked and wonder why I was always inside and alone. I'm unlocking the door and allowing people in. I know there are chances that I will have to escort people back to where they came but hopefully I will be richer for the experience of opening my door in the first place.