Conversation With a Younger Me

I came across an interesting post that posed the following question: What would you warn your 13 year old self about the future? I would rather be able to just have a conversation with my 13 year old self instead of warn her about the future. I'm sure she would appreciate the convo more than warnings that she would never heed to anyways. 5 yr old self, 13 yr old self, 21 yr old self, and probably future self never really makes decisions off of warnings anyways. When I was 13 all I gave a fuck about was basketball. I'm not the person today that I thought I would be when I was 13 (Thank God). My conversation would probably go like this:

"Aye lil me, let me holla at you." Young me says, "Can't you see I'm playing basketball and this nigga is finna beat me?" I would laugh and respond, "You're so innocent. In a few years you will want nothing more than for a nigga to beat. All jokes aside, put the ball down and come walk with me, your going to win a lot of games but in a matter time you won't really care for them." Young me probably wouldn't leave the court until I made my final shot because I never left the court without making the shot for fear that it could very well be the last shot I took. Even then I knew life was just uncertain like that.

I would be like, "In five years where do you see yourself?" Without hesitation young me would say, "Playing ball for some college." I would say, "Do you see a difference between you right now and me?" After a long comparison young me would notice that older me is a just a tad thicker, my jeans are tighter than young me would wear, my nails are done, my hair isn't in the silky ponytail I thought I would never not wear, my skin is clear and my eyebrows are arched. After all of this all I would probably say is, "You look like you suck in basketball." Current me would laugh and say, "And your right. I haven't touched a ball competively in years. And contrary to your thought young one, life is pretty dope without it. Your hoop dreams would be overshadowed by an insatiable desire for independence, money, and men. Your peers will move faster than you and that's cool cuz your focused and that focus will keep you out of trouble and allow you to make your mistakes vicariously through them. Some goals will be easier to get than others but I'm sure basketball will probably be the only goal you stop trying to reach. Of course the void will remain empty because it is no coincidence that you gained a basketball after you lost mommy. No matter how hard you run, how many shots you take, how many tears you shed, your life will never be the same."

Young stubborn me would see the future right in front of me and because it wasn't what I wanted it to be I would call it a lie. She would ask, "Are you happy?" I would look her square in the eye and say, "Life isn't perfect but you wouldn't trade yours for anyone elses. Your future is bright and I dig the moves you made because it's allowing me to morph into a diamond in a street saturated with coal." I wish young me was more well rounded but she moved to her own drum so I can't knock her. Now that I'm a fresh 21 I'm still coming into my own on my own terms thankfully I still have the self - assuredness that I had then. Probably what sets me apart from my peers. They think they do what they want, while I'm not doing shit til it's exactly how I want.