Thursday, June 25, 2009

Faithless

Right about now I need to be the cause of something positive for somebody in this world. I need to do something right. I tried to not blog until I got out of this negative emotional state that I'm in. I can't quite pinpoint the reasoning or moment I got into this funk but I can't wait to cleanse myself of it. Lately I've been fucking up all over the place. Little incidents here and there are making me question everything about myself. I try to analyze my feelings but I realized they can't be explained. I'm just this way for the moment and like most storms this too shall pass.

I know one of my biggest problems is I have disappointed myself lately. I'm starting to lose faith in myself lately which is a big deal because throughout my life I have been the only sure thing I can count on. What do you do when you can't even depend on yourself? Who the fuck can you count on? I'm sure most people would take this opportunity to get all religious and call on a higher being but that's not really my way. Maybe I need religion but I ask too many questions to ever fully devote myself down that road. Now I'm getting off the topic at hand.

I'm finding it hard to stay confident when everything around me is telling me I'm less than what I think of myself. How do you try to prove something to yourself? At what point do you stop and think that maybe, just maybe, you have been lying to youself? I don't know because I'm not yet at those points. I'm going to fight the universes' accusations. I am smart. I am talented. I am something to somebody. I am an inspiration. I just need inspiration. I need to get the kinks out of my compass. I need to get it together. I need to make myself accountable to me. I need...

2 comments:

  1. I recommend finding a hobby or volunteering your self somewhere. It sounds like the ppl your surrounding yourself with are bringing you down. You might just be bored with life. And plus your sister is havin a baby. Nothing can be better than that. You have my email if you want to talk about anything email me.

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  2. when i get down like that I try to remember the good times. the times when I felt confident in what ever I did. it is completely mental, as i'm sure you know, if you lose the negative thoughts then things will immediately turn around. do let your actions get you mind out of wack, you gotta focus on what you KNOW you can do and not the little mistakes you made

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