Isn't It Ironic? Good Dude, Bad Time...

The writing is on the wall,
Should I take a peak?
It's clear as day,
I'm tryna forget how to read.

This game here is crazy
My feelings are the causality
Some would say the heart looses
But it aint that deep.
Meet Mr. Perfect
Just not perfect for me....

My Music Muse Moment

So it has been too long. I wish I could come back on a post but lately I haven't had much time for leisure thinking. It's a damn shame too. Maybe after I eat some pie and do (watch) my yoga on tv I will have time to do all that. My mind has recently been occupied and pretty soon I'm going to sort thru all these things. A quick update is I passed my first summer session class with a B-. Had I not failed that test I coulda did better but I got my 3 credits and I'm 3 credits closer to that bitch ass degree. I passed my first test on my current summer class. I got a C but hopefully with the curve it moves up. Anywho this post is to introduce my new playlist. I was going for a songs that I love that came out before I was born. Enjoy!

Marvin Gaye - I Want You

This a classic by Mr. Gaye and it is one of my favorites by him. It was actually written by Diana Ross' brother. I remember that from some documentry I watched a while back. Anywho when Marvin takes that first breath I just turn it up and nod my head. If any dude wants to get at me just pop this song on and lip sing it to me. If he really wants my heart he will put an extra performance on "Don't play with something, you should cherish for life..." And then we will get up and two step. Lmao. That would be funny as hell and a classic moment in my life. Prolly won't happen but I can dream, right?

Ohio Players - Sweet Sticky Thing

These dudes is smooth as hell. I'll be the first to say that if I was even 16 or 17 when they were pumpin out albums my life would be different. My future plans wouldn't include college or staying in my small town and working in an office. Nope, I would dream BIG. I would move to wherever the hell they were and follow them around until they told me that I could grace one of their album covers! That would be my claim to fame and I would be the shit even in my 80's. Young girls would be talking shit on they myspace and I would just shit on their whole lifestyle by saying, "You aint shit! I was on an OHIO PLAYERS album cover. I have been the black man's playboy for generations!" But those classic covers contained classic albums that contained classic songs like "Sweet Sticky Thing". I like this song the most because of the saxophone. I LOVE saxophones. If you hear this and don't move, check your pulse cuz your dead.

Chaka Khan - Sweet Thing

This womans voice was off the damn chain. She could barely open her mouth and let out a rich ass beautiful noise. Watchin her old youtube videos I deduct two things. 1) She was bad and her shape was one to envy. 2) The keyboardist in the group with the big fro and light eyes could've hit. (Yeah I sometimes pick out men from different eras that I would bone, o well!) I could say "I would love you anyways" and anyone with any sense will finish with "even if you can not stay" and we will continue to sing the whole damn song. Which reminds me of a Christmans Party I went to with my grandma. The lil band kept playing this song and the lady thought she was Chaka. I was like, "Grandma if they sing this song one more time I'm going to choke the shit out of this woman." They played it about 15 times while I went outside and looked for a rock to throw. Leave the classics to the legends.

Teena Marie - Oooh La La La

I love Lady T. Her voice is one of a kind! Thank God for Rick James because without him we wouldn't have the Teena Marie we have. I don't think anyone else would know what to do with her. ( I listen to these tracks as I write these little discriptions and right now I'm just grooving). One thing Teena can do like no other is hold that note and draw the fuck out of a song. Her playing with the saxophone kills me. I gotta hear it everytime the song comes on. I need her to do a little set in L.A soon so I could go. Might even light one up with Lady T.

Sade - No Ordinary Love

I'm not really sure if this song came out before her Love Deluxe album so I have to do my research real quick to see if this should be on my "Before I was born list". After research this song was on the Love Deluxe Album which debuted in 1992, which means I was 4 when this song came out but oh well. I love Sade and she will probably be on many list of mine whether she fits the theme or not because I think she is that great. All of her material is timeless to me. I have a greatest hits, but I need to get her whole catalogue. I probably wont ever see her because she keeps a low profile overseas but if I ever met her I would loose my fuckin mind. I'm not star struck. I met Kanye and didn't even spaze and I think he can do no wrong, but for Sade I would step out of my cool. This doesn't need my 2 cents. You just feel and enjoy the sensations when you listen to Ms. Adu.

I'm Filling Up

This shit is crazy. I should stop and slow down but I can't. This is all so new to me but I think I'm ready. I'll see what happens. Ever get so full off of possibilities that you don't even know what to say? That's were I am.

"The world is full of shit. We use it as fertilizer and grow beautiful things."

Be Back Later (once I come down)

Benefit Vs. Cost

I was talking with my older cousin today and she told me a fable she heard on the radio and it was thought provoking.

"There was a cat who wanted to cross a set a train tracks before the train passed. He mistimed his run and lost a piece of his tail. He turned around to see the damage and was beheaded."

The moral of the story: Don't lose your head over a piece of tail.

You can apply this to life, not just sex.

Faded Memories

I can't quite put my finger on it. Lately I've been having dreams of my mother. I can't quite call it. One was about how life would have been had she not been sick. It was rather pleasant. I had a little brother and all of that great shit. The latest one was almost too much for me to handle tho. She was trying to tell me something but she lost her voice. Her mouth was moving but I just couldn't understand her. She was frustrated and I was sad because I was helpless. When I woke up it was about 2:42 this morning and I cried. I realized I have forgotten my mothers voice. I haven't heard it in so long. I remember things she said, how she would react in certain situations, amongst other things. Facial expressions are becoming vaguer and no matter how hard I try I can't quite grasp the tone of her voice. I can't imitate it. This shit is frustrating to me.

Times like this I realize that I take so much for granted. Everyday I constantly chase the unknown. I'm always on the move. I'm always doing something even when I don't always know the cause or purpose. As I get older I realize that my mother's death has affected me more than I give it credit for. I'm sure as I grow and one day become a mother myself this void will become even more evident. Even though I've had adequate mother like figures and been adopted into some great environments it all falls short.

I love watching the mother daughter dynamic. It's such an uniquely beautiful bond. Where I work I'm afforded the oppurtunity to watch the relationships play out right in front of me in many stages. I see young girls imitate their mothers ways, I see more mature women protect their older and delicate mothers, I see new mothers embrace their infant daughters and all these situations make my soul smile. Sometimes I get the occasional "only if" thought that sneaks in my mind but I quickly shake it. If I dwell on what I didn't have instead of appreciate all that I did have I would probably be clinically depressed.

I often see young girls arguing with their mothers and it breaks me up. If only they knew the time they had left was so limited and how heavy the guilt of every disagreement would lie on their souls, they would be the ideal daughter. I know I can take my own advice when it comes to me and my grandmother because Lord knows I butt heads with her like I do no1 else in my life. Honestly I'm really going to work on that because I don't think she knows how much I really do appreciate her. Ok, back on topic. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have had moments when I was a total bitch had my mother not passed, hell I had them while she was here and I regret every single one, but I just want others to just strive to be the best child they can be while they still can be. I know 5 more minutes with my mother is asking the impossible of God, but I really need to remember her voice. I know I can't hear her but if a memory of her saying my name is the last sound I hear I wouldn't even complain.

I'm Still Here

I know my last post have been on some "what is her problem" type stuff. It's crazy because when I read my shit back it's real vague and dramatic, so to those who don't know me they might assume I'm going thru some crazy ass struggles. In reality my struggle is less than someone elses and more than others. And everyday that passes is another day I made it thru. But this post isnt about all that. I have a lot of things to share but I dont have the time or know how. So I'm just gonna randomly lay some shit out there. Some are just thoughts and ideas and some I will expand on later, others I dont know what to do with.

I got some songs that need to be on the blog. No I'm not gonna go the MJ route.

When did being a real person become obsolete?

When did being a gangster and bad bitch become things to aspire to be?

Not to be a man basher, but where are the real men hiding at?

When am I gonna get my shit together?

My Flaws

"the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud, was more painful than the risk to blossom"

Scary Dream

What If....

A letter to my Aunt.

I need a blunt, and not that dirt ass stress you was offering!

He plays, I play but I quit and I'm serious this time.

Volunteer?

Anyways I'll be back by the end of this week with something legit to read.

Don't Know What to Say

Well I've been gone for a minute. I've been working on some things and sorting thru some things and trying to grab some focus. I wanted to do a post on problems and how to make them powerless, but life happens from time to time and my mind gets blown when I least expect it. I'm going to post more completely tomorrow but I have to get this one out asap.

I'm so selective about people I choose to spend my time with and usually it takes a while for me to get comfortable. Sometimes I think my relationships are tested with people early. This has a been a wild past couple of days that taught me a WHOLE lot about some people in my life. I'm glad to say that I know some good ass people and found them thru unfortunate circumstances that I wouldn't change for anything.

I took a professional step back but in terms of personal acquisitions in my life I've gained tenfold. These two particular people made going to work easier and actually put smiles on my face. One of them got dealt a heavy blow this week. The way the other one stepped up to the plate reminded me of the definition of a true friend. I was shown proof that true friendships don't have probation periods. When you find real, true to heart, down for whatever friends you need to hold on tight to them. Genuine people are a rarity in this world full of counterfeits.