When it comes to moving on, I usually get my way. Before a few months ago, every job I've applied for was mine. I don't know why, but getting jobs has always been rather easy for me. Now things are different. Now things are difficult. Now things are frustrating. Now, the shit is real. (I'm aware that shit can get realer tho) I do not like my current employment. My feelings are not secret and can't be minced. Besides my check there is only one other positive that I can think of right now. I'm desperately searching for a way out. Not up the ladder but completely off it. This job has great upwards mobility but I just can't see myself doing this until I retire. I want something different. I've been applying for all types of shit. Some of it I don't even know what the job requires but if it pays enough for me to continue my current lifestyle I'm applying.
Now it seems like I'm grasping at straws. I KNOW I'm supposed to be learning a lesson from these current failures. I'm not always sure what these lessons are but I don't mind the failures as long as I'm learning. As I look at myself I see where I need to be improved. I needed to be humbled. There is a fine line between confidence and cockiness. I was to the left of cocky. I know I can do any job out there. The cockiness came when I felt I didn't have to prove it. I know I can be more appreciative. I have a problem with authority. I know I'm smarter than most of my "superiors". When people can't answer my simplest of questions I lose respect, and just like spoken words can't be undone, lost respect can't be found. The difference between them and I is they played the game and got to level 3. I'm still at level 2.
So personally, I'm doing pretty good but I'm far from satisfied. I can't act like everything is everything when clearly it isn't. I do however need to take a minute to evaluate my faults and fix them. I may feel like the world is against me, but it isn't. There are just some lessons I need to learn. I need to find my goals and go get them. Right now I'm just a black girl lost. There is a branch swaying in the wind and every time I come close to grasping it...the wind changes direction. So as I push through this change of scenery with another door closed I keep telling myself, "What is deterred is not denied." Just when I was about to play the woe is me card my friend told me, "Night is darkest right before dawn." Shit like that is why I have so much love, respect, and appreciation for this dude. But that's for another post....actually I could make a whole 'nother blog for that nigga....
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