I'm getting older and I find that I'm forever a homegirl and not the girlfriend. It's a crazy annoying spot to be in. I constantly listen to dudes and their relationship problems. They are forever wanting my point of view on shit. Some a couple of the dudes I really find myself liking. Those are the ones that sting me the most. It's like they put up with so much shit and I KNOW I can be the better girlfriend. I can't scream this to the guy because that's not how I roll. I'm not God and I can't give the blind sight. Then there are the others that I probably was feeling at some time in my past but after conversation and getting to know them my mind changed.
It sucks because on the outside one would think I have it all together and that's not true. I have all the elements to make a very good girlfriend. All of my male friends tell me that I would be a great girlfriend and don't believe I have a problem getting dudes. When they say these things I ask, "If I'm so great then why am I single? And why have you let me slip away? You always say you're looking for someone like me." When I ask I get an array of responses, such as, "I never really thought you would feel me like that." Or, "I thought you might be gay." (That one really does something to my soul but I've had two different dudes say that and more than a few females come out to me). Or my personal favorite, "You are the homie!" It's like what the fuck? Just because I like sports and can crack a few jokes with the best of them I have to stay in the friend zone?
I guess I'm just venting. I'm not going to change anything I don't want to or imitate the people who have what I want just to get what I want. I'm a late bloomer and a constant work in progress. I'm slowly finding myself and growing up. At this point in my life I'm becoming a better me. I'm not where I want to be but the person I am is catching up to the person I am in my dreams and that makes me ecstatic. I don't know what the future holds for my love life. I may be single for a long ass time and while I don't wish for it, I can handle it. I'm sure there is a great guy out there who can appreciate my complex simplicities. To quote Mulan, "The prettiest flowers always bloom last."
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I'm with the boy that I would listen and sit and discuss his problems with other girls while always saying to myself I could be better than them and treat you better. Well surprise to me one day I blurted out when you decided to leave her will you come and be with me. And let's get married. And girl talk about be careful what you wish for. The problem is when men talk about how bad they're girls are they usually leave out one thing and that's the other side of the story. Well right after I said that he said that's what he wanted to do and girl a day later he had left her and was at my house telling me no take backs. And I think I hated him about a month later up until now. I found myself lost sometimes like oh that's why that girl used to do that because you do....
ReplyDeleteI always ask this one dude in particular what he did and he tells me upfront. I know he's not a saint by far but he is a good dude. But I would never say "You should just be with me." I'm just gonna fall back tho. People catch up to me later. It's crazy. I'll be feelin the hell out of a dude. They choose the other chick only to come back to me later saying they made a mistake. Blah!
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