Black Girl Lost

I'm sitting here frustrated like nobody's business. Why the fuck am I in school? I seriously don't know why I'm still here. I just took a final in my favorite class and got an 86 on it. I check my grade and all though I'm only missing 94 points I have a C because of the weights the teacher assigns to the assignments. This is probably going to be the best grade I get. I worked so damn hard this semester yet I'm still going to get average grades. It's not like I even go to a remotely reputable university either. I could be being overly dramatic right now but I have wasted 4 fuckin years of my life. I'm going to graduate and still probably be doing the same thing I do now. I could do this without a damn degree. I've always known that college isn't for me. I don't want to be a teacher, lawyer, or doctor. I never wanted to be anything really. I just wanted things. That is part of my problem. I have goals that don't have mapped out stepping stones. For example if I wanted to be a doctor then I would have a blueprint to follow. Go to school and get good grades. Go to medical school. Etc etc until I'm a doctor. There is no blueprint to do what I want to do. Exactly what is it that I want to do? Good fuckin question! I guess I'm basically saying "There is no blueprint for being confused about life and surviving at the same time." Until I figure it out I'm just a black girl lost.